You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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