Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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