Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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