Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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