Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
