I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
