i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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