yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
