Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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