There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
