Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
