don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
