Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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