waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
