Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
