youre lurking in front of me
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize