too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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