the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
