Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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