Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
