my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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