it was like his penis was on wheels.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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