Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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