THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
