In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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