i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
