WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
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