When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
