Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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