you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
