My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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