im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Randomize
