i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
