The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
