I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
