I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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