i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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