If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You can't just leave with hair like that
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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