low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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