Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
