you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Randomize
