Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
