The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
