as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize