I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
