you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
