did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
i think my cat just said my name.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
