i will never coherently bang her
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
