were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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