wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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