y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
