i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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