why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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