how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Randomize
