We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
