I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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