We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
