I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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