I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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