So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
