textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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