There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
