she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
