It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There r osticjed everywhere
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
