Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
