so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
