Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
