There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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