FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
