Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
