she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
